How can I tell when someone is lying to me?

I always think that this is something that we often know without even having to think about it. If you have children then you will know that they are often very bad at lying, and in fact that “Tells” that they have can lead you to the same conclusions that you may find with someone older.

Even our pets can’t lie, I know that if my dog has done something that he shouldn’t and I ask him he will look away and avert my gaze!

So what signs show that someone is telling lies?

When we lie, we just can’t help giving away subtle signs. All these tiny unconscious clues betray our real thoughts and give away the truth of the tale. 

Touching the face

When making up a lie you will often notice that people sometimes cover their mouth or touch their face, maybe in the subconscious guise of scratching their nose or rubbing their chin. They don’t know that they’re doing it but it is believed it be akin to “covering up” their lie. 

Watch that Smile

When  we  smile  naturally, as  a  result of  feeling  happiness or sensing something that  amuses us,   our  smiles appear quickly and symmetrically.  

The  muscles instinctively and automatically create that visual response. Just try and take a look for yourself the next time you make someone laugh. You will notice that their smile appears without reservation. However, a false smile is slower and lopsided or crooked, it’s just not natural and you will often be surprised how easily you notice once you know what to look for.

The eyes have it

Where you can consciously control your heart rate, your bladder and indeed your brain, especially with a little practice, the  movement  of  your  eyes is one of the  few reactions  in  your body over which  you have  absolutely no control.  You can’t change the way your pupils dilate, for instance, just by thinking about it. You have probably already heard that if you are attracted to someone then your pupils dilate. You can’t change that, it happens without your control.

So, our eyes  give  us  away  more  than  you  could  ever  possibly  imagine.  When  we  are  nervous our  eyes  often  move  rapidly and  as we  grow  more  uncomfortable with  the lie  we  are telling, our  heart  rate increases and  as  a natural response,  our  pupils  dilate. Sometimes it  has  even been  observed  that  people’s  eyes  will  often  dart  towards  the  exit  of  a  room  as subconsciously  they want to  remove themselves  from the lie  and thus the  environment they’ve found themselves in. Imagine that! Just showing that they want to escape right in front of your own eyes!

 How fast are they talking?

Most of our communication is non verbal; it’s via body language, postures and gestures, facial expressions and the like. Even so a really good way to spot a liar is just to listen to what they say.

The volume of their speech and the intonation as well as the content. They often add lots of detail that you wouldn’t expect, almost as if they made it all up just in case you asked! Sometimes that fast talking shows that they are eager to get it all out as soon as possible!. You may even notice that as their mouths dry out then you can hear a difference in the way that they speak.

Of course, some people may be better than others at lying and let’s hope you don’t need to use any of these tips at all anyway.

Help with Anxiety for students and young people.

Anxiety and depression have doubled amongst the young since the 1980s. Studies show that students and the unemployed are the groups most likely to report being anxious. In fact, in some studies up to 82% of university students were found to be experiencing clinical levels of distress.

25-30% of students experience exam anxiety.

Alongside this young people are more likely to report low levels of anxiety than any other groups.

How does this manifest itself?

Academic anxiety. Does it affect you?

Students worry about exams, presentations, maths or writers block. One of the biggest problems is a lack of motivation. This can come from trying to avoid the anxiety around starting the work. There can also be Generalised anxiety disorder, Social anxiety and even anxiety around screen related anxiety because of social networking and Smartphone addictions. In some cases this can even lead to substance abuse or other addictions.

The anxiety that is caused can be a very serious thing, however the effects can be addressed with a little help.

The problems can lead to ongoing anxiety about the future. The negatives thoughts about the future mean that you rehearse things that have not happened yet and what happens when they go wrong. Because the brain cannot tell the difference between real and ingrained, and then they can lead to real stress both mentally and physically.

This can have a physiological result. Your heart can race, you can feel knots in your stomach, suffer from headaches, or problems breathing which can even lead to panic attacks.  Sometimes this leads to avoidance of the tasks that leads into a further downward spiral.

The good news is that by learning to let go and relax, and focus on a positive future you can address these issues and learn to let go of the anxiety. You can start to look forward to a positive future and when you learn to be more relaxed and stress free, when you are younger, you can use these skills for the rest of your life.

If you need help with any worries of your own you can contact me via the contact page at the top of this page.